One of the great lessons of love is known as the scarcity factor. Plain and simple: people tend to want what they cannot have!

When things are hard to obtain, they seem more valuable - to put it mildly.

What if someone told you that you could buy a 2-year-old Jaguar for $2,000. What would you think?

You'd think that there must be something wrong with it. (And you'd probably be right.)

When you think of luxury items or designer clothing, what is the number-one thing that sets them apart? Is it the workmanship? The quality?

Perhaps - but far more than that, it's the PRICE. That is what gets your attention and makes it stand apart from all the others - it costs more, and it's harder to obtain. Fewer people will be able to get it - and if you have it, it's clear that you must have had something special in order to get it.

But things are only as valuable as someone thinks. And the more rare something is, the more people think it is worth.

I once searched high and low to find a special, out-of-print book. It was written in the 1950's and few people remembered it. I was thrilled to finally find the book, and paid $150 over the internet in order to obtain this rare copy.

Only a few weeks later, the very same book was given to me by a public school librarian who was about to throw it out because no one had checked it out in at least fifteen years.

Obviously some people think that book is valuable - or the price would not have been so high - but for others, it was gathering dust and needed to be discarded.

It's called "perceived value."

How does this apply to relationships between men and women? It really starts on the inside. If you value yourself, it will show, and others will value you more, too.

If you value yourself, you will be focused on your own goals and activities - and less focused every waking minute on some guy. That automatically makes you more hard to get.

What's the opposite of hard to get? It's desperate. Desperation repels others, and is revealed in a thousand subtle ways - all of which you need to avoid like the plague.

I get a lot of email from women who are spending enormous amounts of time thinking about a guy in their life, but who are not spending enormous amounts of time adding value to their own lives by learning and growing. That's the first step to becoming hard to get.

Capture His Heart